How to Overcome the Victim Mentality

Siim Land

Do you know people are like: “Why is this so hard? The only thing I’m good for is failure. I deserve a lot more. I’m just so unlucky.” Yes? What they don’t realize is that the reason why they behave in such a manner is because of their mindset. They have to overcome the victim mentality first to make any progress.

I’m Entitled

The contemporary society has done us another immense disservice. We’re more comfortable than ever before and because of that get used to having everything handed to us on a silver plate. This conditions us to take our abundance for granted, without realizing how fortunate it really is to live in this day and age.

Some people feel entitled to everything – “I demand that you give me sports cars, social validation and millions in the bank.” They don’t feel obligated to earn their own wealth because they somehow think of themselves as worthy of a lot more than they actually are.

My Point Exactly
My Point Exactly

Why have we become so entitled? It’s because our environment doesn’t pose almost any demanding challenges anymore. Everything is so easy and safe. There’s health care, financial support for the poor, central heating, supermarkets full of cheap and empty calories etc.

In the past, people had to fight for their lives every single day, yet they managed. Today, we adopt this victim mentality because of feeling like we deserve a lot more than we actually do.

The Victim Mentality

Being a victim means that you come up with any excuse to justify wherever you are in life. It’s not your fault, it’s THEM. The entire world is out to get you and you’re just the martyr and saint.

Life definitely isn’t fair but we mustn’t let that fact get in our way. Everyone gets dealt with different cards which we cannot control. Fairness isn’t to be found in this draft and we shouldn’t be distraught about it.

The desire for equality means wanting to be like everyone else. Just another anonymous face in the crowd. It also shows that a person doesn’t want to see others become better than the majority because that puts pressure on them to improve as well. What they want is everyone to be on the same level as they are so they would have an excuse for their own lack of progress.

Instead of jealousy we should feel inspired by the efforts of others. We all have the possibility to choose how we act. Such freedom puts the responsibility on the individual. This scares most people because the reason for failure will be their own inadequacy. It’s much easier to blame than to rise above ourselves.

When we cope with reality instead of thrive despite of it we attain this victim mentality. A mindset that just accepts the situation and who we are despite the contempt with no confidence in changing ourselves. The wind on the ocean of life affects us all but the direction we’re heading towards depends on the sail.

What Causes Victimhood

The feeling of entitlement is caused by the very same conditioning of the environment. Social media, alms, news, financial support etc. Even children are now being given prizes and rewards for last places at competitions. „A for effort! At least you tried.“ All of these give the victim a reason to want to take things for granted.

Thanks to the Internet, the social distance between the successful and mediocre has decreased, whereas the financial chasm has increased. You can see them living their dream lives all the time and will thus compare it with your own situation. Our newsfeed is only filled with the highlights of their success, which causes anxiety and a feeling of unworthiness in those watching.

At the same time, the news focuses mainly on the negative events and the mistakes others have made. People will then lash onto that and ignore anything else. Their success is then immediately thought to be the result of that one slip-off.

This makes it easy for the masses to mindlessly presume that they’ve been somehow tricked into servitude. They don’t see the forest behind the trees so to say, thus they feel entitled.

Unexpressed Subconscious Issues

There might be actually other reasons for this. This false notion makes you think of yourself as this “poor child.” You may have some repressed unconscious problems or issues, which begin to emerge as a desire to seek validation or care from others.

If in your childhood your parents broke up, then you’ll hide these wounds into your subconscious mind. You may think that you’ve been severely harmed and will thus think that you don’t deserve to be loved or that you need more compassion.

Are the rich simply thieves and scam artists who steal money from people? It might also be that in the past you’ve had a very negative experience with marketers that makes you think you’re being tricked and sold a garbage product.

Can’t find someone to start a relationship with? Oh it’s not me, it’s just that all men/women are pigs. Maybe you simply got your heart broken at kindergarten when your first love harshly rejected you. Now every member of the opposite sex is doomed forever.

Even when everything seems okay now, these issues are still influencing your thoughts and actions if left unexpressed. The vast majority of our behavior happens to us on the unconscious level.

The Victim Mentality Hidden in the Subconscious Mind
The Victim Mentality Hidden in the Subconscious Mind

Take an Honest Look at Your Behavior

The fact of the matter is that wherever you are currently in your life is the result of your own behavior up to this point. You deserve to be exactly where you are.

Are you overweight? It’s not the genes but your bad lifestyle habits. Not that there are any special obesity genes, but epigenetics also eliminates the possibility of them having to get expressed. If disabled people who have lost their limbs muster enough strength to workout and eat healthy then you definitely don’t have a worthy excuse. You’re fat because of your environment that’s conditioned by your own decisions and actions.

Suffering financially? What have you done to prevent that? Have you even tried to learn how to start your own business? Are you spending your money on useless materialistic things? How much have you invested into yourself by reading books, getting coached or going to seminars? Do you think you deserve to get paid more than CEOs and businessman? Unless your knowledge in those fields is greater then guess again.


Not seeing the success in your career, relationships, artistic pursuits or any other activity you want to improve upon? Take an honest look at your behavior. Are you really putting in as much effort that would grant you the results you desire? Or are you simply fooled by the notion that you’ve at least tried and should then deserve a reward.

The Worst Thing That Could Happen to a Victim

The worst thing that could happen to a person with a victim mentality would not be increased turmoil and even greater challenges. It would be their entitlement being fulfilled.

Would you like to win the lottery and never work a single day in your life again? You don’t really need a whole lot to live on the middle class level until the end, just a few millions here and there. As great as it might sound, it’s not something I would recommend you to yearn for.

Winning the lottery is like receiving alms you don’t really deserve. It’s the feeling of entitlement that makes you feel like you’re obligated to be rewarded by the world for your existence, whereas it should be the other way around.

Rather than wanting for a leprechaun to drop a pot of gold onto your lap, you should instead go out there and forge your own stars. Winning the lottery means that you haven’t earned the wealth and will easily lose it, whereas earning it yourself means you’ve accumulated enough knowledge and skill in handling and creating it.

How to Overcome the Victim Mentality

The first thing you have to realize is that you’re not some sort of a special snow flake that needs to be treated differently. Because of the deceptive nature of our mind, we begin to think that we’re special. Of course we’re unique individuals but it doesn’t mean we ought to be carried on the shoulders of others.

Secondly, understand that you’re behaving like a victim in the first place and in reality, the world isn’t out to get you. You’re simply creating a self-imposed narrative in your head so that you would have an excuse to fall back to. Oh yeah, I’m fat because of my genes – even if it would be the case, which is impossible – Thus it’s okay to do nothing about it?

Thirdly, be honest with yourself and come to the conclusion that you’re exactly in your life where you deserve to be. Ask yourself these questions.

  • How are you spending your time and how much of it are you dedicating to each activity?
  • Are you doing mindless activities that serve no greater purpose other than amusing yourself?
  • Are you even learning and trying to improve yourself? Have you sought out knowledge about whatever you’re trying to accomplish?
  • Who are the people you spend the most time with? Are they dragging you down or are they empowering you?
  • What are you doing to improve your situation? Are you taking action or simply waiting for magic to happen?
  • How much effort have you put in? Are you working on your dreams every single day? Or have you quitted already after the first signs of resistance?

Change Your Programming

Fourth, reframe your mindset. Changing your subconscious belief systems is difficult and requires a lot of time. You need to figure out the reasons why you behave like a victim in some areas of your life.

This requires thorough contemplation and self-enquiry. You need to peal open your psyche like an onion, layer by layer. Go through your life events that have stuck in your memories and try to figure out what may be causing you troubles. Is it because of those kids who laughed at you in school? That dog who attacked you as a child? Or that robber who broke into your house?

What’s also important is to realize how the society and other people are processing you. Culture imposes us with unreasonable bullshit rules (called brules by Vishen Lakhiani) that we blindly start to follow.

Question everything – your own beliefs, thoughts, traditions of your nation, what you’ve been taught at school, the guidelines of your parents. Don’t feel obligated to behave in a certain way just because of your cultural background.

Transcend these limitations and become meta-aware about the conditioning you’ve received ever since as a child. Create your own principles that you’re going to follow that are in an alignment with who you truly are and what you want to accomplish.

Memento Mori

This is a stoic meditation technique. Remembrance of death is one of the best ways to keep oneself humble. The human race is nothing else but a speckle of stardust in the vast and infinite space of the cosmos. You yourself are even less significant and almost non-existent.

The technique of memento mori entails the meditator to focus on the fact that one shouldn’t tie their happiness to material objects nor not even friendships and family. All of those things can be taken away from you at a moment’s notice.

Remembering the fact that every passing moment is running down on us is enlightening. Your activities pick up a whole new meaning and time becomes something not to waste. You won’t have the desire to feel entitled because it’s of no use.

You won’t get what you want by just complaining about it and wishing it to be otherwise. Instead, face fear and earn your laurels every single day.

Become a Victor Instead

To overcome the victim mentality, you need to do some deep self-enquiry and personal development work. It starts with recognizing how you’ve been conditioned by the world around you and ends with rising above this circuit.

Instead of merely dragging your feet through life and surviving, we can all thrive. If you have the possibility to read this then you’re especially fortunate. We live at a day and age where opportunities are almost endless. There’s more than enough for everyone to accomplish their dreams and happiness. Weary and mindless minds have been simply been led to believe that they’re worse off than they actually are. Open your eyes and see how fortunate we actually are.

A victim wants to be handed everything on a silver plate because of the feeling of entitlement they’ve imposed on themselves. On the flip side, a victor is someone who doesn’t take anything for granted and understands that they can dictate their own circumstance.

Lose the Victim Mentality and Become a Victor Instead
Lose the Victim Mentality and Become a Victor Instead

If you want to become a victor instead of a victim, then you need to strive towards self-mastery. It’s the foundation to a mindset of higher levels of consciousness that’s meta-aware and involves improving upon your physical and mental conditions.

Join the Body Mind Agoge to learn more about self-mastery and empowerment.

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